Word 2016

I've been thinking about my word for the year for a while now.  I told me friend I was going to have this post up a couple days ago, but I wasn't sure.  I've heard some great words so far; intention, community, abide.  I was telling my friend some of the words I was considering; humility, Proverbs 31, trust.  She asked why the words had to be so drab.  HMPH.  Why did the words have to be so drab?  So I started rethinking, and I think I've got it. 

PEACE

My good friend's mom just passed away on the 30th.  This  word was bounced around a lot.  

 "Knowing she's at peace."  

"I feel peace."  

"That was so peaceful."  

This word is so powerful and encompasses so much.

I learned in my Carmelite community that when you are carrying out God's will, then you will feel peace.  When discerning decisions, you should feel which one brings you more peace.  Some more are giving the peace of Christ to others, bringing peace to those around you, avoiding confrontation to keep the peace.  The list goes on and on.  

Here's how I envision peace coming to fruition this year in my life.  I'm going to trust in God's will and recognize this is happening by my inner peace.  I will make sure that I don't lend my peace out to things of this world like money, material things, time wasters.  If there is turmoil, I'm doing something wrong.  My toughest challenge will be keeping my word in mind.  Sometimes I try to control things.  That definitely does not bring about peace.  It's also been said that I can be sort of a hothead.  I know.  I'm just as shocked as you.  I will have to focus more on whether the point I'm trying to get across, snipe I'm about to make, or eye roll are really worth losing my peace.  

Maybe my word should be pause.  

Happy 2016!  May it be a great one for us all!    

After Christmas Daybook

Outside my window...
It's supposed to be 71 degrees today.  Right now it's foggy and in the 50's.

Hearing...
KJ and the kids putting together Lego.  Two of the kids aren't up yet.

Thankful for...
Christmas, family, laughter, tears, vacation, all of it these past couple weeks.

Thinking about...
2016, how our lives will change this next year.

Learning...
We kept up with math and reading until now.  We need to ease into some things coming up when we go back to school.  Some library trips may be involved.  :)

Struggling with...
Staying in the moment, always one of my weaknesses.  I'm a planner.  It's what I do.

From the kitchen...
We got some beef from my mom that's stocking up the freezer for the time being.  That's always nice.  We haven't been doing too much with it lately with all the festivities, but we did have a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner.  I made salisbury steak, mac-n-cheese, and broccoli.  Logan's a lover of my broccoli now, which I think is WONDERFUL.  Still trying to convince Marley.

  Reading...
The Four Teresa's.  A friend from school recommended it.  I'm also reading a book about praying for your husband.  I can't remember the name right now.  Both books are a lot to ponder, so it's slow going.

Creating...
KJ got me some coloring books and markers.  You know, the kind that are all the rage right now with adults.  I envision sitting in bed with a cup of hot tea and coloring.  Kaelyn got a woodburning kit for her birthday.  Here are some things she gave as presents.

This was Nana and Papa's.

 This was Grandma and Gecko's.

This was an assignment for school, and then she framed it and gave it to Gecko.  It is the two of them when she was 13 and he was younger.  ;)

Around the house...
 Not much is happening.  There's a lot of cleaning to do, but it'll have to wait until after the Epiphany, which happens to coincide with KJ's birthday.  There are things that need done before then, like tending to the forgotten green pepper mess that we found in the pantry.  Blech!

Praying...
For my husband and family.

Picture thoughts to share...
   

 How KJ addresses tags to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas jammies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End of the Year - Questionnaire

What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

I got married again  :)

What was the single most challenging?

The eldest going off to college

What was an unexpected joy this past year?

A new friendship that I was not expecting

What was an unexpected obstacle?

Training in DC for two weeks out of the summer was really hard on the family.

Pick three words to describe this past year.

Detachment, Silence, Progress

Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your year - don't ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you.

faith-full, busy, exciting

Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their year.

fine, busy, exciting

What were the best books you read this year?

Little Britches, Carry On, Mr. Bowditch

With whom were your most valuable relationships?

God, Kevin, Courtney, Jen

What was your biggest personal change from January to December last year?

Becoming a Carmelite

In what ways did you grow emotionally?

I'm learning to be ok with things.  Sometimes I tend to overreact, but I've been working on that and being ok with how things are.

In what ways did you grow spiritually?

Becoming a Carmelite has changed me a lot I think.  I've become more prayerful, and that's always good.

In what ways did you grow physically?

I tried my first whole30 and loved everything about it.  How it changed everything from my pain, to my moods, to my attitude.  Simply Lovely.

In what ways did you grow in your relationship to others?

I tend to be very shielded sometimes.  This year I definitely felt more of putting myself out there whether the other person was comfortable or not because it was who I was.

What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

I teach a new class to 3-6yos about God.  One day I was reading a book to a 4yo boy.  Every page was a puzzle to be put together.  He was putting together the priest, and I asked him who that was, pointing to the priest.  He said it was the good shepherd, which is the name of the class.  He was getting it.

At home, it was my homeschool review for the fall.  I was worried my kids weren't up to par, and they excelled!


What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

I have a boy in my class that is especially challenging.  The parents want answers that I'm not trained to give, but I'm not giving up on him.

At home, it's trying to prioritize things.  Between the gym, homeschooling, meal planning, cleaning, it's hard to juggle all of them without a few of them getting no attention at all for a while.

What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

Fretting

What was the best way you used your time this past year?

Anything that involved planning ahead always made things go smoother, but I'm lazy.

What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?

No one can give me what I long for and search for except for our Lord, Jesus Christ.  I try to find it in my spouse, kids, friends, moments.  All of them fail.  

Create a phrase or statement that describes this past year for you.

Steady as she goes

Friendship Flow

When I was a little girl, my best friend was Mary Kay.  She lived down the street from me and we were inseparable.  When we reached high school, we were still friends, but we found different friend groups that were not similar AT ALL.  I punked and she prepped.  

Since then there were a few drifters, and a few solids.  I didn't really know what I was looking for, but I found myself extremely lonely in my new home school mother world in a different state.  I reached out to the home school group at church, and there were a few gems, but still I searched.

I watched Anne of Green Gables for the first time seven years ago.  I suddenly knew what I had longed for!  A bosom friend.  I prayed and the Lord answered.  Within the year, that bosom friend moved away.  We still talk, but it's not the same as popping over to each other's houses whenever we wanted.  When she left, she told me to contact this other person in our home school group.  I did, and that person became a good friend.  Your first bosom friend is your forever bosom friend.  So this next friend was a close second.

For a while, we were tight.  Think pb&j or peas and carrots, or anything and butter.  Our friendship rode through some turmoil and bounced back over the course of years.  Then, as if a rug was pulled out from under my feet, it was gone.  Neither of us said we were going anywhere, and neither of us did.  We just stopped talking so often.  We stopped seeking each other at out common places.  We stopped friending.  

Then an oldie/newbie came into the picture, who had been there, but we weren't exclusive.  We aren't exclusive now, but I trust her completely.  Our friendship formed over the past five years.  She's really an amazing person, not that my other friends are not, but I'm pondering on the ebb and flow of friendships.  

I know friendships have seasons and phases.  I know that some friends are forever friends no matter how long you're apart and don't talk.  You pick right back up.  I've been blessed with a few of those too.

I remember when I told God how sad I was that this other friendship felt like it was dying.  How I didn't feel like I could just go to her and tell her all things anymore.  I got a notion He was telling me that He would listen if I wanted.  I felt foolish.  Isn't this what He asks of us?  To be our forever friend?  Our bosom friend?  

Here I am, Lord.

Birthday/Turkey Day

Birthday festivities went off without a hitch.  There wasn't much to them except the all important getting the updated license stating 21 years old.  She went out with friends that evening, and everything was pretty low key.  
Nana and Papa the next day for a birthday dinner, and then Thanksgiving.  It went well.  Crazy as ever with the traveling from one place to another and eating two huge meals within hours of each other.  The family we dragged along with us did well too.  
So much to be thankful for, and I hardly ever stop to realize it.  I need to work on that.  Friday was a lounge day, and today we went for more birthday festivities.  This girl is lucky.  I hope she knows it, feels it, loves it.  
Tomorrow we take her back.  The kids are going to see where she lives and meet her friends.  Then it's back to ordinary life and settling in for advent.  Prepare ye the way of the Lord.

Thanksgiving

- Meeting up with my first homeschool group friend and catching up.  It had been over a year, and we've been friends for 10 years
- A week of no stressful obligations coming up
- Some of the house cleaned, so I won't have to do much tomorrow to have a semi-clean house for Thanksgiving
- My faith
- Friends
- Being able to see my growth - almost as tangible as a measuring stick
- Slowing down
- Breathing more
- Making lunches for the needy
- Seeing two grown women cater to my Marley, so that she gets to help feed the hungry too
- Feeling welcome
- Waving goodbye
- Hot tea and honey
- Kevin
- Our new church

Twenty-One

When I was twenty-one, I was living at home.  I had moved back from a short stint of living on my own.  I was working at a travel agency from 9a-5p, would come home for dinner, and work as a waitress from 7p-2a.  It was a rough schedule.  I was good at both those jobs, and I thought I was saving up to move out with K.  She was four years old.
She is turning twenty-one next week.  When I type that sentence, it's hard to breathe.  I can't remember anything.  I saw a post about someone trying to remember when they last washed their daughter's hair since she could do it herself now.  I try to remember lasts with her.
The one I remember most was picking her up.  She was four years old.  I feel so guilty writing that because M is seven, and I'm still picking her up.  K and I were outside.  She had just given me a flower she had picked.  She was wearing jeans and a navy blue sweater.  I remember it because I have a picture of it.  That was the last time I picked her up, and it makes me sad.  
I am not a hugger.  It does not come naturally to me, so I work hard at it.  Because of this, K is not a hugger either.  I'm trying to turn her into a hugger by hugging her a lot more now.  She squirms, but I think she secretly likes it.  I'm getting used to it too.
I remember complaining to my mom a lot about these kids growing up.  She would always tell me it's just a phase, and I'd be complaining about the next phase too.  Maybe I would even want the prior phase back.  Words of wisdom.
I'm not sure why I feel like this is so permanent.  She was an adult at 18.  She still lives at home.  The only thing changing is her age.  She still calls for help on papers or decisions, so I'm not sure what my problem is.  I just know that I can't breathe, and I want to cry.